Do Spirited Kids Ever Get Better?

Image via WikipediaWell, I guess that's a misleading title, she has gotten better. She is now not completely terrified of everything. In fact, she rode rides at the fair this year, and even asked to ride the Carousel at the mall a couple days ago.

However, she still freaks in crowds, won't go to sleep in her own bed, and whines, screams and cries in the car. She fights sleep like no kid I've ever known. I mean she will scream and scream and scream instead of letting herself fall asleep. This happens everywhere, but especially in the car. I mean, come on, what else are you going to do in the car??? And you are obviously exhausted!! Just go to sleep.

Today we went to the Learjet open house. She loves airplanes, she especially loves "grandma's airplanes ~ Learjets!" (yes, Grandma loves that she says that.) She also learned "Learjets are best" today which tickled Grandma pink.

However, she spent most of the time we were there whining, screaming, freaking out, demanding to be carried, refusing to walk. Generally being very frustrating. Here's what I don't understand though. As soon as we got in the car she was very positive about the experience. Talking about seeing airplanes, and Learjets are best. When asked if she had fun she says yes. Then why can't she act like she's having fun while we're there?

Some days I just don't get it. I just don't get how this kid works, why she acts the way she does, and what she's thinking. I wish I had a direct connect to her so I could figure it out, and understand her more, and be less frustrated with her.

We did go to the pumpkin patch afterwards and she enjoyed petting the farm animals ~ which she wouldn't do last year. She also rode the hay rack ride out to the pumpkin patch and picked out her own pumpkin. She obviously enjoyed the pumpkin patch.

I wish I could be so clear all the time. :)

Going Gluten Free ~ Raising a Gluten Free Toddler

I was talking to my doula/friend this morning, feeling a little exasperated with Little Missy La La's behavior as of late. When I described some of the things we were dealing with she said, "Food Allergies". It sounds to me like food allergies.

She set me up with another mom friend of hers who has much experience with children and food allergies.

Seeing as Little La La awoke as soon as I removed my boob from her mouth and completely refused to go back to sleep I went ahead and called this mom while she was awake.

We had a long conversation and as she was telling me her story and the story of her children I heard a lot of familiar things. A lot of the behaviors her kids were experiencing are similar, as well as some of the symptoms. Not all of the serious symptoms, but enough to make me wonder if this might be at least part of our problem.

It is seriously daunting even thinking about going gluten free, but I guess it means really just getting back to basics and eating whole foods, which I've been wanting to do anyway. (Goes to show be careful what you ask for ~ the universe will give it to you. Or maybe I should have just been a little more specific. lol) Anyway.

It is possible Hanna's hitting, flailing, throwing things, lack of sleep and lack of weight gain may all be part of this food allergy problem. hmmm.

So, instead of putting content in my newest website I've spent the day looking for more information about just how to go gluten free. I don't think it's going to be too bad for me and La La, I'm just a little concerned about getting my husband on board.

He has at times in our relationship been very adamant about healthy eating ~ strict about having good foods in the house. This is not one of those times. In fact, he just introduced OREOS of all things to the little one. He's bringing in chips and all kinds of crap food. He doesn't seem to listen when I ask him not to. I am here all day, and I just can't seem to control myself when there's a bag of chip or a box of ice cream in this house. :(

Well I don't really want to have to fight with La La any more than necessary about the food changes and I'm sure it will be a battle if the "bad" foods are still in the house. *sigh*

I think the things she will miss the most will be triscuits. :( She really loves triscuits and cheese. I am aware that dairy may be part of this problem as well, but I think we will start with the gluten and move to the dairy if we continue to have problems.

It is kind of exciting to know there might be a solution to the problems we have been experiencing, and I wonder how many spirited or high needs kids might actually have food issues???

Any comments welcome and appreciated.

Shopping at Home

Mom works from home, so why shouldn't Missy La La shop from home?

She has managed to drag much of the food from the kitchen and spread it around the house, meanwhile saying "shopping, shopping". :)

The potatoes managed to make it into the cart at least.

Today's been a pretty good day. We went to town for a consignment sale and managed to find some decent clothes for summer. We met up with our usual story time friends but skipped story time today and opted for IHOP instead.

La La was awesome at the restaurant, and other than a little battle over crayons there were no incidents.

She did great on the way home, and as we were almost home she starting saying "nap nap nap".
I'm thinking "Ok, great an easy nap day."

Ha, jokes on me. NO nap today, even with all the I need a nap talk. Oh well. She's hanging on and playing nicely and seems to be doing all right. But it's not 4 o'clock yet.

She slept through the night again last night and that was a pleasant surprise.

Maybe some of these more difficult baby spirited behaviors are heading out. I'm sure I'll get new ones to replace them, but it feels good right now.

Story Time at a New Library

We've been going to Nursery Rhyme Time in Wichita on Fridays. But I had to return books to the Wellington library today so we decided to jump in on their story time while we were there.

Wasn't sure how a new group of people was going to go over. When we walked in, instead of kids sitting on the floor on carpet squares, kids sat in chairs, and their parental folks sat in chairs behind them. Wasn't sure how THAT was going to go, but she surprised me and sat in her chair ~ without touching me ~ for 3 stories. Yay.

The stories were all about cows today and were quite funny and entertaining. The librarians did a great job reading.

After the stories were over it was time for the craft. Today they made these cute paper plate cows. I expected her to freak out ~ but today you get an atypical spirited toddler story. She jumped right up on the chair, picked out crayons, colored the cow, only threw a crayon once and helped me glue the legs, head and tail on.

I'd say she was quite proud of herself and mooed the whole way home at all the cows we saw. :)

All in all a great story time and I think we will try to go again next week.

Dying Easter Eggs with a Spirited Toddler

Yesterday my mom came over and we helped Missy La La dye her very first Easter Eggs. I really didn't think she was going to dig it at all. Well, I was wrong!

She loved it, kinda. She loved making the pretty eggs, but she hated making a mess. Whenever a little dye would get on the table she would point and whine until someone wiped it up. I don't know how such a neat freak ended up in this messy family. I don't know.

We got this kit to make sparkle eggs. They are really pretty. The process was, you dip the egg in this sticky solution, then you dip it in the sparkles they provide. La La really liked how these eggs looked, but my mom made the mistake of telling her to reach in the sparkle bag to grab her first sparkle egg.

Oh holy moly, she got sparkles all over her hands and freaked out. We had to call a time out and get her all washed up and clean, then get back to business. :)

All in all it was really fun and she enjoyed herself. I ran out of eggs pretty fast. I only boiled 18 eggs ~ I mean she's only one kid right? She kept yelling more egg, more egg.

After we finished she kept going back to the eggs and picking them up and admiring them. Bringing them over to us to show us the beautiful eggs she made, unfortunately we dropped a couple in the process and cracked them, but they're still edible.

Fun fun fun. Here's a slide show of the best pics we got. I was so busy taking pictures of her having fun I almost forgot to get any pictures of me and her! Most of the pics are my mom and La La.



Until Next time, Happy Hoppy Easter!

One WHOLE night of sleep ~ it's a miracle

Today I am feeling good and well rested, for the first time in almost two years. :) Last night I had a horrible migraine. My well meaning husband who said he would try to come home early to help me out didn't get home til 9pm. By which time Missy La La was fast asleep.

In fact, I put her to bed early, she was sleeping by 7:30 to be exact. I wallowed in pain in my bed while watching to see if Marlee Matlin could dance. I then fell asleep.

I awoke as I do every night to La La crying in her room through the monitor. However, when I looked at the clock I was shocked and AWED to see it was 6:30am.

Holy COOOOW! I got over 8 hours of straight sleep. My headache's gone. I'm not tired.

We are having a good day. She seems well rested. She took a little longer nap than usual, and went to sleep easily without fight for her nap.

Maybe there is something to the adage sleep begets sleep.

We're going to try again tonight! See if we can create a pattern :)

Until next time . . .

Raising a spirited Toddler | When - Then Technique

Ok, so I'm reading this book Taming the Spirited Child. I'm finding it very interesting and very useful! In fact, as much as Raising Your Spirited Child helped me understand her, this book I think is going to help me get a handle on it.

The author Michael Popkin is all about setting boundaries, but keeping their spirit intact, by offering choices and building a solid relationship based on mutual respect with your child.

He frequently reminds you in the book not to start using techniques until you have finished the whole book, but I just had the perfect situation for then "when-then technique".

Missy La La was standing in the kitchen, in front of the refrigerator, screaming because ~ well I'm not sure why. I was serving her dinner and I'm not sure she really wanted to eat what I was giving her, although I know it's something she likes. :)

We went to the library today and got a new Elmo video (God help me I couldn't stand to listen to the same 2 we have any more). She really wanted to watch Elmo. I would have probably put it on while she was eating (yeah I know I'm terrible), but I remembered the when-then technique and told her calmly and in a friendly tone of voice that when she finished eating her dinner then she could watch the new Elmo video.

She looked at me, stopped screaming, came in and started eating. She looked at me and said "Elmo" I reminded her when she was done eating then she could watch Elmo.

Lo and behold she started scarfing her food down, and is happily eating/humming behind me as I type. WOW.

Chalk one up for mom today. We also had a lovely time at the playground ~ still no swing, but she did let a little girl hold her hand and help her up the slide stairs. It's progress.

Until next time . . .

Spirited Toddler and Working from Home

I have been blessed to be able to stay home with my spirited toddler. (Frankly, I'm not sure who would watch her if I did have to go back to work). I do work from home though. I am an internet marketer, blogger, writer and more.

I find it extremely challenging to work from home with Missy La La. I have tried many many things to make my days productive, both for working and mommying, and to have as little crying, screaming and fit throwing going on.

This is much easier said than done. What I have realized though, is even if I wasn't trying to work, we'd have a lot of the same behaviors going on, so I try not to blame myself for having to work during the day.

I created a schedule to make sure I spend plenty of quality time with her ~ as I can get very wrapped up in my work (I love it so much). I have blocked out work times, and La La times throughout the day and then of course IF she takes a nap I get some quiet work time then. Naps have been getting shorter though, and some days she refuses to go down, but some days I have an hour of quiet to pound out some work.

It's hard though, it's hard when I am sitting at my desk, and my beautiful daughter is poking her head out from under the desk between my legs screaming. A lot of times I just let her sit on my lap while I work, but she often starts messing with everything on the desk. She loves to draw on everything ~except the paper I've given her to draw on~ and she pulls everything apart. This frequently escalates to her throwing pens and just about anything else she can get her hands on.

Today I'm weathering the storm. I keep telling her I'm right here and she needs to do her big girl "work" and go play for a little while. I keep telling her I love her, but today I'm not giving in, and today I will also not get angry and get dragged in to a fight about this. Today I will be the calm leader of this family. I will get my work done, I will take time to play with her, but they will not be at the same time.

Oh, it's getting quieter. hmmm. La La is sitting next to my chair reading a book now. She's stopped screaming. Peace and quiet, if only for a moment. OOOOOOMMMMM :)

Until next time . . .

A Spirited Toddler ~ The Grocery Store ~ The Good, Bad and UGLY!

I had to run into town this morning to drop off the electric bill. I was on my way out of town and I should have just kept going. Instead I got this great idea to go to the grocery store and grab a bag of chips and some salad stuff.

Missy La La has done fine the 25 minute ride in and has been pretty good this morning so I wasn't expecting anything crazy. I guess I should have been more prepared.

As soon as we walked into the store she started screaming. I tried to put her in the cart. She started screaming louder, not only screaming but trying to jump out of the cart. OMG ~ right in front of the door. I figured it's 10:30 am on a Monday morning there won't be that many people in the store, so we should be all right.

I kind of got her in the cart ~ still screaming and just start going about my shopping like absolutely nothing is wrong. Everyone is staring. I'm getting slightly irritated, I really only needed a couple things.

At this point I debated about just leaving, or trying to get through the trip. I really needed/wanted the things I was coming to get and it's another 25 minutes home and back to get them later, so I decided the only one being punished if we left was me, so I decided to tough it out.

As she just about threw herself over the edge of the cart I pulled her out and set her on the floor. She's continuing to scream at this point. This poor elderly lady in the aisle just turned around and walked away.

She is quite a site to see, this adorable little blond hair girl, fists clenched, stomping her feet, screaming so loud her face is turning a lovely shade of lilac.

I told her I was going to go ahead and do the shopping, if she wanted to stay there and scream she was welcomed to, but I was going to go ahead and go. If she wanted she could hold on to the side of the cart and come along with me.

She grabbed the side of the cart ~ and it was then I realized my mistake.

To get her a little more exercise (read wear her but out so she'll take a nap) I've been letting her walk next to the cart as long as she holds on. We usually do that at Walmart ~ and I hadn't even thought about her doing it when we walked in.

She was pissed I hadn't let her walk with the cart. Dang.

So she was pretty good the rest of the way through the shopping trip (10 minutes). Then we had to leave the cart and the store and it all started over again. This time she wouldn't give me her hand or let me pick her up.

I had a flashback of parents I've seen grab their kids arm and remember thinking OMG that's no way to treat a child. They shouldn't do that. Well here I am walking out of the grocery store and into the parking lot grabbing my child's arm. She pulled her arm out of the sleeve of her coat, so I ended up only being able to grab her sleeve, and pull her toward the car.

I draw the line for allowing her just to work her way through her tantrum at doing it in the middle of the parking lot where she can get hit by a car.

We finally get to the car. I say get in the car. She looks at me and screams NO. There's something about her screaming no at me that really pushes my buttons. I know it's the whole AUTHORITY ~ I'M THE MOM THAT'S WHY thing and I am working on it.

I finally got her in the car seat ~ thank God she didn't put up much of a fight because I was starting to get a little pissed myself.

We started driving out of town, and I love what happened next.

This is just more proof that the universe conspires in my favor, no matter what. Her favorite song came on the radio. I don't know if you know Sweet Escape by Gwen Stefani, but Missy La La LOVES that song. She does all the hoo hoos in the beginning and hums along. It changes her mood every time. hmmmm... I really should get that CD :)

So she is now happily humming along to Gwen, then one of my favorite songs came on and I was happily humming along to it, and the grocery store incident is forgotten.

OR IS IT?

Is mommy holding a gudge? Now Missy La La wants a snack. She wants some chips. Mommy does remember the whole grocery store incident and doesn't think after throwing such a fit and embarrassing mommy La La should get chips.

However, if Mommy looks at things objectively ~ she knows La La doesn't even remember the whole incident and was not doing it to mortify her mother. She was just trying to be heard and express her wishes, in the best way she currently knows how.

Mommy thinks she will compromise. She will let La La have apple for snack, but will give her a couple chips with lunch.

These grocery store meltdowns are getting fewer and farther in between. That just means they catch me even more off guard when they do happen. If you are the parent of a spirited child I'm sure you've had your fair share of meltdowns. How are you handling them? What are you doing? Is there a particular school of thought you follow to manage your spirited toddler's behavior? If so I'd love to hear it, leave a comment below. :)

Until next time ~ Oh jeez, the dog's growling, gotta go.

Finding "Adult time" with a Spirited Toddler

So today's Sunday. Usually Sunday during nap time is when I get a little "daddy time" if you know what I mean ;).

Anyhow, today things got in the way and we didn't manage to get together right after she fell asleep. Wouldn't you know it, as soon as we got upstairs she starts screaming.

I went in her room and laid down next to her, put my hand on her back, just hoping (scratch that praying) she'd just go back to sleep. Just this once ~ ha ha.

No such luck. She was wide eyed and bushy tailed. I brought her into our room hoping maybe she'd lay down on our bed and fall asleep, then we could sneak off somewhere else. NOPE. Not in the cards today. Hopefully I can stay awake long enough to get her to sleep tonight, and maybe spend some time with my hubby afterwards. :)

This has just been one of those "spirited toddler" days. She's whiny, screamy and just all around inconsolable. Flying off the handle over miniscule things. Throwing herself on the floor for reasons unknown to us. Sometimes a change of scenery helps so we decided to get out of the house. We went to the playground. She went down the slide gleefully a couple times, then more people showed up and she started to withdraw a little.

Sometimes as a parent I grieve my ideal of parenthood, and my anticipations of raising my child.

Today I watched a pregnant mom pushing her toddler son on a swing. Pushing him so high, him squealing with laughter, giggling. She was laughing. It made me a little sad.

My husband tried to put Missy La La in the swing again, just to see. NO good. SCREAMING, flailing, throwing herself against the side of the swing. Bummer.

I love to swing, and I was so looking forward to bringing my daughter to the playground and swinging on the swings with her, laughing, giggling, sharing the experience.

It's just not always in the cards to be able to "share the experience" with this little one. There's just so many experiences she's not willing to experience.

I'm assuming this may change as she gets older, and maybe it won't. But I think it's important to give myself a moment, recognize that as a loss, and let myself have a second to grieve for what I really thought it would be.

Then the moment's over ~ back to the slide. Down she goes screaming "weeeee" all the way.

Until next time.

Spirited Toddler and Crowds ~ Not such a happy mix

Every year I look forward to attending the garden show with my mom. The last couple years of course the little monkey has come with us as well.

I really was looking forward to the garden show this year. I'd had a rough week and was really excited about having an adult to talk with during the whole day. Not to mention looking at gorgeous flowers and other gardening "stuff".

Gardening gets me so excited for spring. It reminds me we will not be cooped up in this house forever, and it really will get warm again.

Of course my excitement was somewhat shattered when Miss La La decided to have "one of her days". She refused to walk, she refused to ride in the stroller (which I only brought because my mom thinks she should be happy to ride in a stroller).

***** momentary rant ******

It's only been almost 2 whole years my mom has known this little person. Why doesn't she believe me when I say she won't ride in a stroller? Why doesn't she believe it when EVERY time we go out and she makes me drag the stroller and Miss La La won't ride in the frickin thing? So here I am not only carrying a toddler but pushing a stroller as well. ARGH.

***** rant over ********

Ok so I totally meant to have the husband grab the patapum out of the truck before he left for work this morning. I figured it's a busy place she might do the whole you have to carry me thing, and the backpack would have been great. BUT I forgot. So NO patapum. :(

On top of me having to carry Miss La La everywhere, her screaming at the top of her lungs and not putting her feet on the floor if I tried to put her down, my mom gets the brilliant idea to give her a frickin lolly pop~ What's up with that.

I'm getting worn down. My mom knows I don't feed her sugar and all that crap. But no, pops a bright blue sucker in her mouth with a big fat tootsie pop in the middle.

So now I have blue sticky stuff all over my hair and shoulder and all over her face, hands, hair and clothes.

My mom just keeps saying ~ well I thought it would make her calm down, and stop screaming.

What on earth kind of thinking makes you believe that feeding a ball of sugar on a stick to a child who never gets sugar is going to make her "calm down" now COME ON!!

Anyway . . . needless to say the garden show was not all I had hoped it would be.

At one point my mom looked at me and said (sometimes even in her meaning well she never ceases to amaze me) "You know I used to think that children acted that way and it was all the parent's fault". I said "and now you think?" and she replied. "Well I have even more respect and admiration for you now than I ever have, I just don't know how you deal with her".

This "I don't know how you deal with her" has been a theme frequently visited recently.

So we leave the garden show and I decide to go grab a slice of pizza at this great little place in the middle of Kansas that actually serves pizza by the slice and it tastes almost like New York Pizza.

On the way there Miss La La starts SCREAMING ~ like insane OMG I'm gonna die screaming. Flailing against the car seat like she's trying to get away from something. I was like Holy shit, what is going on with her. (I had actually never heard this scream in the car seat before) My mom freaks out, pull over pull over. I'm in the middle of rush hour traffic mind you.

Then two seconds later she's fine, smiling eating her apple again. ~ my mom's mind is BLOWN.

We pull into the pizza place ~ my mom's nerves are so messed up she has to stand outside and smoke a cigarette. Then she says to me ~ and this is the first time all day her comments have actually made me mad ~ That's freaky ~ she's freaky. What was that all about? and of course ~ I don't know how you deal with her?!

I was like ~ don't you even call my kid freaky. She is not. She is who she is, just like you are who you are, I am who I am and hubby is who he is.

We ate pizza I dropped her off and was very glad to once again be alone with my child. (who thank the maker slept all the way home)

It's such a dichotomy, my life with this spirited toddler. I want so much to spend time with other adults, but as soon as I do they say things and do things that annoy the hell out of me and I just want to go home and get away from them.

The whole car thing was very weird. In fact, it kind of got to me as well. Not because she was screaming like a lunatic in the car ~ I'm used to that ~ but she had such fear in her eyes and in her voice.

The intuitive hit I got when it happened was someone from the other side had come to visit. It was someone she was "unfamiliar with" or something that scared her. It left ~ she calmed down. I sometimes forget these days to make sure to put up some protection when we go out. She so sensitive in so many ways. I think it's just too much for her to handle.

Does any of this feel familiar to you? Did I lose you at someone from the other side? I'd love to hear how you are managing with your spirited toddler. :)

Anyway ~ that was Friday, now it's Sunday. The weather is a little warmer. I think we'll make lunch and go to the playground. Hopefully there won't be too many other people there. ;)

Until next time ~