Spirited Toddler and Working from Home

I have been blessed to be able to stay home with my spirited toddler. (Frankly, I'm not sure who would watch her if I did have to go back to work). I do work from home though. I am an internet marketer, blogger, writer and more.

I find it extremely challenging to work from home with Missy La La. I have tried many many things to make my days productive, both for working and mommying, and to have as little crying, screaming and fit throwing going on.

This is much easier said than done. What I have realized though, is even if I wasn't trying to work, we'd have a lot of the same behaviors going on, so I try not to blame myself for having to work during the day.

I created a schedule to make sure I spend plenty of quality time with her ~ as I can get very wrapped up in my work (I love it so much). I have blocked out work times, and La La times throughout the day and then of course IF she takes a nap I get some quiet work time then. Naps have been getting shorter though, and some days she refuses to go down, but some days I have an hour of quiet to pound out some work.

It's hard though, it's hard when I am sitting at my desk, and my beautiful daughter is poking her head out from under the desk between my legs screaming. A lot of times I just let her sit on my lap while I work, but she often starts messing with everything on the desk. She loves to draw on everything ~except the paper I've given her to draw on~ and she pulls everything apart. This frequently escalates to her throwing pens and just about anything else she can get her hands on.

Today I'm weathering the storm. I keep telling her I'm right here and she needs to do her big girl "work" and go play for a little while. I keep telling her I love her, but today I'm not giving in, and today I will also not get angry and get dragged in to a fight about this. Today I will be the calm leader of this family. I will get my work done, I will take time to play with her, but they will not be at the same time.

Oh, it's getting quieter. hmmm. La La is sitting next to my chair reading a book now. She's stopped screaming. Peace and quiet, if only for a moment. OOOOOOMMMMM :)

Until next time . . .

A Spirited Toddler ~ The Grocery Store ~ The Good, Bad and UGLY!

I had to run into town this morning to drop off the electric bill. I was on my way out of town and I should have just kept going. Instead I got this great idea to go to the grocery store and grab a bag of chips and some salad stuff.

Missy La La has done fine the 25 minute ride in and has been pretty good this morning so I wasn't expecting anything crazy. I guess I should have been more prepared.

As soon as we walked into the store she started screaming. I tried to put her in the cart. She started screaming louder, not only screaming but trying to jump out of the cart. OMG ~ right in front of the door. I figured it's 10:30 am on a Monday morning there won't be that many people in the store, so we should be all right.

I kind of got her in the cart ~ still screaming and just start going about my shopping like absolutely nothing is wrong. Everyone is staring. I'm getting slightly irritated, I really only needed a couple things.

At this point I debated about just leaving, or trying to get through the trip. I really needed/wanted the things I was coming to get and it's another 25 minutes home and back to get them later, so I decided the only one being punished if we left was me, so I decided to tough it out.

As she just about threw herself over the edge of the cart I pulled her out and set her on the floor. She's continuing to scream at this point. This poor elderly lady in the aisle just turned around and walked away.

She is quite a site to see, this adorable little blond hair girl, fists clenched, stomping her feet, screaming so loud her face is turning a lovely shade of lilac.

I told her I was going to go ahead and do the shopping, if she wanted to stay there and scream she was welcomed to, but I was going to go ahead and go. If she wanted she could hold on to the side of the cart and come along with me.

She grabbed the side of the cart ~ and it was then I realized my mistake.

To get her a little more exercise (read wear her but out so she'll take a nap) I've been letting her walk next to the cart as long as she holds on. We usually do that at Walmart ~ and I hadn't even thought about her doing it when we walked in.

She was pissed I hadn't let her walk with the cart. Dang.

So she was pretty good the rest of the way through the shopping trip (10 minutes). Then we had to leave the cart and the store and it all started over again. This time she wouldn't give me her hand or let me pick her up.

I had a flashback of parents I've seen grab their kids arm and remember thinking OMG that's no way to treat a child. They shouldn't do that. Well here I am walking out of the grocery store and into the parking lot grabbing my child's arm. She pulled her arm out of the sleeve of her coat, so I ended up only being able to grab her sleeve, and pull her toward the car.

I draw the line for allowing her just to work her way through her tantrum at doing it in the middle of the parking lot where she can get hit by a car.

We finally get to the car. I say get in the car. She looks at me and screams NO. There's something about her screaming no at me that really pushes my buttons. I know it's the whole AUTHORITY ~ I'M THE MOM THAT'S WHY thing and I am working on it.

I finally got her in the car seat ~ thank God she didn't put up much of a fight because I was starting to get a little pissed myself.

We started driving out of town, and I love what happened next.

This is just more proof that the universe conspires in my favor, no matter what. Her favorite song came on the radio. I don't know if you know Sweet Escape by Gwen Stefani, but Missy La La LOVES that song. She does all the hoo hoos in the beginning and hums along. It changes her mood every time. hmmmm... I really should get that CD :)

So she is now happily humming along to Gwen, then one of my favorite songs came on and I was happily humming along to it, and the grocery store incident is forgotten.

OR IS IT?

Is mommy holding a gudge? Now Missy La La wants a snack. She wants some chips. Mommy does remember the whole grocery store incident and doesn't think after throwing such a fit and embarrassing mommy La La should get chips.

However, if Mommy looks at things objectively ~ she knows La La doesn't even remember the whole incident and was not doing it to mortify her mother. She was just trying to be heard and express her wishes, in the best way she currently knows how.

Mommy thinks she will compromise. She will let La La have apple for snack, but will give her a couple chips with lunch.

These grocery store meltdowns are getting fewer and farther in between. That just means they catch me even more off guard when they do happen. If you are the parent of a spirited child I'm sure you've had your fair share of meltdowns. How are you handling them? What are you doing? Is there a particular school of thought you follow to manage your spirited toddler's behavior? If so I'd love to hear it, leave a comment below. :)

Until next time ~ Oh jeez, the dog's growling, gotta go.

Finding "Adult time" with a Spirited Toddler

So today's Sunday. Usually Sunday during nap time is when I get a little "daddy time" if you know what I mean ;).

Anyhow, today things got in the way and we didn't manage to get together right after she fell asleep. Wouldn't you know it, as soon as we got upstairs she starts screaming.

I went in her room and laid down next to her, put my hand on her back, just hoping (scratch that praying) she'd just go back to sleep. Just this once ~ ha ha.

No such luck. She was wide eyed and bushy tailed. I brought her into our room hoping maybe she'd lay down on our bed and fall asleep, then we could sneak off somewhere else. NOPE. Not in the cards today. Hopefully I can stay awake long enough to get her to sleep tonight, and maybe spend some time with my hubby afterwards. :)

This has just been one of those "spirited toddler" days. She's whiny, screamy and just all around inconsolable. Flying off the handle over miniscule things. Throwing herself on the floor for reasons unknown to us. Sometimes a change of scenery helps so we decided to get out of the house. We went to the playground. She went down the slide gleefully a couple times, then more people showed up and she started to withdraw a little.

Sometimes as a parent I grieve my ideal of parenthood, and my anticipations of raising my child.

Today I watched a pregnant mom pushing her toddler son on a swing. Pushing him so high, him squealing with laughter, giggling. She was laughing. It made me a little sad.

My husband tried to put Missy La La in the swing again, just to see. NO good. SCREAMING, flailing, throwing herself against the side of the swing. Bummer.

I love to swing, and I was so looking forward to bringing my daughter to the playground and swinging on the swings with her, laughing, giggling, sharing the experience.

It's just not always in the cards to be able to "share the experience" with this little one. There's just so many experiences she's not willing to experience.

I'm assuming this may change as she gets older, and maybe it won't. But I think it's important to give myself a moment, recognize that as a loss, and let myself have a second to grieve for what I really thought it would be.

Then the moment's over ~ back to the slide. Down she goes screaming "weeeee" all the way.

Until next time.

Spirited Toddler and Crowds ~ Not such a happy mix

Every year I look forward to attending the garden show with my mom. The last couple years of course the little monkey has come with us as well.

I really was looking forward to the garden show this year. I'd had a rough week and was really excited about having an adult to talk with during the whole day. Not to mention looking at gorgeous flowers and other gardening "stuff".

Gardening gets me so excited for spring. It reminds me we will not be cooped up in this house forever, and it really will get warm again.

Of course my excitement was somewhat shattered when Miss La La decided to have "one of her days". She refused to walk, she refused to ride in the stroller (which I only brought because my mom thinks she should be happy to ride in a stroller).

***** momentary rant ******

It's only been almost 2 whole years my mom has known this little person. Why doesn't she believe me when I say she won't ride in a stroller? Why doesn't she believe it when EVERY time we go out and she makes me drag the stroller and Miss La La won't ride in the frickin thing? So here I am not only carrying a toddler but pushing a stroller as well. ARGH.

***** rant over ********

Ok so I totally meant to have the husband grab the patapum out of the truck before he left for work this morning. I figured it's a busy place she might do the whole you have to carry me thing, and the backpack would have been great. BUT I forgot. So NO patapum. :(

On top of me having to carry Miss La La everywhere, her screaming at the top of her lungs and not putting her feet on the floor if I tried to put her down, my mom gets the brilliant idea to give her a frickin lolly pop~ What's up with that.

I'm getting worn down. My mom knows I don't feed her sugar and all that crap. But no, pops a bright blue sucker in her mouth with a big fat tootsie pop in the middle.

So now I have blue sticky stuff all over my hair and shoulder and all over her face, hands, hair and clothes.

My mom just keeps saying ~ well I thought it would make her calm down, and stop screaming.

What on earth kind of thinking makes you believe that feeding a ball of sugar on a stick to a child who never gets sugar is going to make her "calm down" now COME ON!!

Anyway . . . needless to say the garden show was not all I had hoped it would be.

At one point my mom looked at me and said (sometimes even in her meaning well she never ceases to amaze me) "You know I used to think that children acted that way and it was all the parent's fault". I said "and now you think?" and she replied. "Well I have even more respect and admiration for you now than I ever have, I just don't know how you deal with her".

This "I don't know how you deal with her" has been a theme frequently visited recently.

So we leave the garden show and I decide to go grab a slice of pizza at this great little place in the middle of Kansas that actually serves pizza by the slice and it tastes almost like New York Pizza.

On the way there Miss La La starts SCREAMING ~ like insane OMG I'm gonna die screaming. Flailing against the car seat like she's trying to get away from something. I was like Holy shit, what is going on with her. (I had actually never heard this scream in the car seat before) My mom freaks out, pull over pull over. I'm in the middle of rush hour traffic mind you.

Then two seconds later she's fine, smiling eating her apple again. ~ my mom's mind is BLOWN.

We pull into the pizza place ~ my mom's nerves are so messed up she has to stand outside and smoke a cigarette. Then she says to me ~ and this is the first time all day her comments have actually made me mad ~ That's freaky ~ she's freaky. What was that all about? and of course ~ I don't know how you deal with her?!

I was like ~ don't you even call my kid freaky. She is not. She is who she is, just like you are who you are, I am who I am and hubby is who he is.

We ate pizza I dropped her off and was very glad to once again be alone with my child. (who thank the maker slept all the way home)

It's such a dichotomy, my life with this spirited toddler. I want so much to spend time with other adults, but as soon as I do they say things and do things that annoy the hell out of me and I just want to go home and get away from them.

The whole car thing was very weird. In fact, it kind of got to me as well. Not because she was screaming like a lunatic in the car ~ I'm used to that ~ but she had such fear in her eyes and in her voice.

The intuitive hit I got when it happened was someone from the other side had come to visit. It was someone she was "unfamiliar with" or something that scared her. It left ~ she calmed down. I sometimes forget these days to make sure to put up some protection when we go out. She so sensitive in so many ways. I think it's just too much for her to handle.

Does any of this feel familiar to you? Did I lose you at someone from the other side? I'd love to hear how you are managing with your spirited toddler. :)

Anyway ~ that was Friday, now it's Sunday. The weather is a little warmer. I think we'll make lunch and go to the playground. Hopefully there won't be too many other people there. ;)

Until next time ~